What a day it's been! I'm cozied up on my white, leather couch and feeling rather swamped in my thoughts. I've spent the past half hour journalling. I'm looking back over the past few months at what I've done, what I've learnt, what's been difficult and what I'm still going through.
I like to take time to be brutally honest with myself - really dig into what I'm feeling at any one given time, if for nothing else, to soothe myself through it. You know, give myself a hug and a pep-talk for days that are harder than others.
Life's not always easy - that's the plain truth. Life's always shifting, always throwing in an unexpected twist to the plot. Gosh! Sometimes, I feel like my life is a Prison Break script. Just when I think I've figured things out, an unlikely and unprecedented event throws me off balance and I feel like I'm back to square one, frantically groping in the dark for some stability.
Life is not always easy - that's a fact.
Here are 3 difficult but worthwhile life lessons I've come to learn in the past few months. Now I'm no pro at hacking life. I'm only 25 and a half (yes, trust me that half makes a huge difference!) but I'm hoping these three lessons will shed some light onto your journey.
1. You can have lots of friends but still feel lonely or alone.
This one applies to those of us who graduated Uni only a year ago. I dare say, the first year out of college has been one of the most lonesome years of my life. #TrueStory Get this: all my life, I've always made my friends at school, as I'm sure you have. School, aside from the function of learning, is really a place to meet people and make great, life-long friends! 90% of my friends list on Facebook consists of old friends from school.
Over the course of my life I've studied in 5 different institutions in 4 different countries, so thankfully, I have an expansive network. The irony is now that I'm no longer in school and settling in a brand new country, I kind of feel friendless? Does that make sense?
Gone are the days when I'd pop into Mmas' or Edith's room for a 2 hour gossip session after class. Gone, I tell ya. Goooonee. Like dust in the wind. Now it's work and then back to my quiet apartment. It's a strange feeling. That of not having "friends" to randomly bump into in my day-to-day life. It's a strange, new feeling I tell ya.
2. You can go from having a six-week diet plan to eating instant noodles for six meals in a row!
What is life!? #Adulting! When I first moved into my very own apartment, I thought I'd have all the time in the world to meal prep and get snatched! Ha! Working full time has proven to be the main distraction. I won't lie, I've gone from a week in which I eat clean and train dirty to one in which I eat toast and binge watch Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm learning to set realistic expectations for myself as well as take the time to examine my schedule. Balance is the key to success!
3. You can go from incredulous heights of infatuation to loathing the day you met him.
Okay, can I just write a book or two on this? Or does someone have a manual I can read? Lawddd!!! I'm telling you, relationships are not easy. I'll be plain honest with you, mine sure isn't a bed of roses at all times. I look at my friends who've gotten engaged and married (just what they share on Facebook of course) and I wonder if it really is as easy as they make it out to be? Heck, a boyfriend is hectic enough. Can I get a hallelujah from my fellow non-married/single gurrlls!?? Does it get easier as a fiancée, wife? Someone please leave me a note down below! It's such a whirlwind of emotions. Think tornado and hurricane with a dash of earthquake and a serving of tsunami. That's what it feels like.
But I'll tell you this, I'm learning that life can go the other way too. Rather than from order to chaos, I'm learning that whenever I find myself on the messier, hopeless side, I can always start again. That's the beauty of being human. We don't always get it right but as long as we are still here, still breathing, we have the chance to create anew.
We can start afresh. Revise old habits and patterns. Pick ourselves up and give life another go. Your life is a gift and no, you cannot give up now.
I'm learning that in life, and particularly, the stage of life in which I'm in, I have to commit to a "mind over matter" attitude. I must remind myself that I can get through whichever circumstance I find myself in. I'm teaching myself to forgive myself. To be gentle with myself when I don't meet my own expectations. To learn acceptance and patience. To realise that life is made up of seasons and this is just one of them. I'm teaching myself to breathe. To stop. Worrying, running, loathing, dreading, complaining. But rather to train my mind to give thanks. Give thanks in all things. All things.